By Holly M. Onorato, CPRS

Being honest with oneself is the only way to progress on the path of life and recovery.
If you’ve spent any amount of time in a recovery meeting, you’ve undoubtedly heard the term
‘You’re only as sick as your secrets,’ and it’s true!

Unfortunately, there’s no quick fix to undoing years spent in active addiction, but the bottom line
is that we’ve got to be honest with ourselves about the nature of the disease. Excuses don’t
work, trying to moderate our usage doesn’t work (if it did, we wouldn’t be having this
conversation), and lying about or covering up the extent of our addiction just doesn’t work. At
some point, we have to surrender and be honest with ourselves; it’s one of the hardest parts of
the process. We may have spent years in denial, hoping for a change that never came. Until we
get honest with the fact that we are in the throes of addiction, we can’t heal. Acknowledging our
weaknesses and blind spots takes immense strength, conviction, and discipline, and it’s the only
way to truly change.

We also have to get honest about why our addiction was so alluring in the first place. What were
we trying to block out or disassociate from? Trauma is usually at the root of substance use, and
speaking with a therapist or counselor about the nature of your pain may be extremely difficult,
but it’s part of the process and will ultimately set you free.

Once we decide to move past our old ways, we must be aware of our triggers and situations
that might induce urges and compromise sobriety. It’s time to get completely honest with the
fact that not everyone has our best interests at heart. You may have even experienced this,
going to a party and hanging with friends/family you used with in the past, telling them, ‘None for
me, thanks.’ It may work for a while, and they may respect your wishes, but not everyone
understands the grip of addiction. They may see you’ve been doing well and approaching a
milestone, thinking it’s under control, and offer you something, thinking that you’ve got it under
control.

We may be strong initially, but life gets ‘lifey’ and we have to deal with assorted stressors like
breakups/divorce, job loss, death, etc., and our resolve may weaken. When you are truly
steadfast in your recovery, you realize that recovery comes first, over all else. Anything in front
of your recovery, be prepared to lose.

Being honest with yourself means realizing your limitations. Sure, that new job may be alluring,
but it also comes at a price, especially if the hours are grueling, the people are nasty, and the
stress is high. Relapse central.

Being honest, especially by telling the truth to doctors who may not know your past struggles.
For example, getting a prescription that doesn’t align with your sobriety could set off a tailspin.

In reality, you know it’s a bad choice, but figure what the heck? You got this. As the saying
goes, ‘F around, find out.’
Being honest means accepting that there are no ‘seemingly innocent decisions’, especially in
early recovery. For instance, if you normally take the bus home but choose to walk instead,
seemingly innocent or not so much? The route you take passes by the old spot where you used
to pick up. You walk by, seeing old friends gathered outside. Seemingly innocent? Not so much,
as you get to reminiscing and laughing. Next thing you know, you’re invited inside…not so
innocent after all. And in reality, deep down, you knew what could happen.

The old you is a closed chapter, and that’s a good thing. We can radically accept that certain
things just aren’t meant for us anymore. There’s nothing desirable back there. Being completely
honest is vital to a successful recovery. Without it, you’re just fooling yourself and wasting time.
We all have the same 24 hours in a day.

Ways to stay accountable and HONEST –

Have a sober companion and check in daily, especially in the beginning.
Open up in groups/meetings. Talk about urges if applicable.
Stay busy to avoid the ‘boredom’ trigger, fill your calendar weeks and months in advance,
especially weekends and holidays.
Create a list of people, places, things, or situations to avoid or eliminate.
Keep your appointments, checkups, therapy sessions, and court dates – no excuses. Relapse
doesn’t just happen; it’s a gradual process, a decision to check out.
Saturate yourself in a recovery community, listen to inspiring TED talks, and podcasts, and read
books from people who have successfully overcome addictions.
Make a list of ‘blind spots’ or situations that might compromise your recovery.
Create a Hierarchy of Values chart, list all of the reasons your sobriety is important and your
main focus right now.
Be of service to others, a great way to get out of your head and keep the momentum going.
Journal to keep track of your feelings, triggers, and PROGRESS.
Celebrate victories! Just because you’re in recovery doesn’t mean you can’t have fun.

Whatever you do, never give up; relapse is often a part of the process, but it’s NOT how the
story ends. If being honest with yourself is a foreign concept, start small and stay committed to
accountability. The only way out is through!